remus wants to die but sirius needs him to live
by wolfstar4ever
Summary: WARNING: SUICIDE/SELF HARM THEMES. Remus is tired of the pain the full moon brings & wants to die but after Sirius finds him about to hurt himself he gives Remus reasons to live...slash...characters dont belong to me.


Remus looked at the knife in front of him. None of his friends were in the dorm. They were all in the common room plotting their next prank against Snape. Sirius begged Remus to join them but he declined because he just didn't feel like it. The full moon was a few days ago and he was still feeling the effects of it. Everyone kept telling him that he was strong for going through what he goes through every month but he doesn't feel strong. The knife looked so tempting sitting in front of him. He hasn't told his friends, but before he came to Hogwarts he used to cut himself. No one ever knew because he kept it hidden from his parents and he didn't have any friends. Things had been pretty rough lately. Things sucked and he just wanted everything to end. Slowly he picked up the knife and touched it to his skin. Because he was so preoccupied in doing so he didn't hear Sirius come in and open his curtains.

"MOONY PUT THAT DOWN RIGHT NOW," Sirius yelled lunging for the knife and grabbing it after Remus quickly dropped it from shock.

"Siri, Padfoot what are you doing here," Remus asked in tears.

"Things aren't the same without you. But that doesn't matter. What matters is what are you doing up here? Moony. Why would you want to hurt yourself?" Sirius couldn't stop the tears from flowing down his face.

Remus was shocked. "Why do you care so much? You're handsome. You're popular. You aren't covered in scars. You aren't a monster. Things are hard. I'm just tired of everything. I'm tired of going through all this pain. I'm tired of everything. I hate that I have to live with the knowledge that I'm going to be alone romantically for the rest of my life because who would want to spend their life with a monster."

Sirius touched Remus's tear stained cheeks. "You are not a monster and I would love to spend the rest of my life with you in a romantic way." Sirius took a chance and kissed Remus. Remus kissed him back hesitantly.

"I don't need you pity kisses Padfoot," Remus told him pushing him away.

"I'm not pitying you. I've been in love with you for a long time. I just didn't know how to tell you. If you don't believe me I'll go get veritserium. I would never lie to you."

"You might if you wanted to keep me from killing myself," Remus hissed.

Sirius sat beside him and wrapped his arms around him tightly. "I love you Moony. So much. I'm not lying to you either. You are my light in the dark days. I hate when you're not around. I don't want you to do this or feel like this." Sirius began bawling and Remus comforted him.

"I love you too Padfoot. Please don't cry."

"You want to be dead. How could I not cry right now," Sirius told him clutching him tighter. "Promise me right now you won't do this again."

"The best I can do is promise to try not do it again."

"Promise me you'll talk to me if you ever feel like this again," Sirius told him looking him in the eyes.

Remus looked in those beautiful eyes and knew everything Sirius was saying was true. "I promise," Remus told him kissing him.

Sirius couldn't help but smile. "You are amazing Moons. I promise. If there was something I could do to take away your pain I would."

"You as Padfoot helps a lot."

"I know but I know that's not enough."

"Shut up Pads. It's alright. You cant do anything more for me than you already did. What you guys did for me is something I'll never forget and always will be grateful for."

"And you want to repay us by killing yourself," Sirius asked sadly. "I NEED you Moony. James is a great person to talk to and everything and yeah hes my brother and I couldn't live without him but you are you. You are special. You have always been there for me in a way James hasn't been able to be and I just couldn't lose you. I couldn't not have you in my life."

Remus comforted Sirius as he broke down crying again. "It's ok Padfoot. I won't go anywhere I promise." He meant those words.

Sirius held on to Remus tightly. "Will you be my boyfriend?"

Remus laughed through his tears. "Of course Pads."

"Good. I love you."

"I love you too." The two of them sat there for a while in silence just holding each other to provide comfort to one another.

"Prongs, Tail and Lily love you too. So do all the teachers. You're the smartest person here. Everyone needs you."

"Not Snape," Remus told him.

"Did he say something to you that would make you want to do this to yourself? If he did then I'll kill him," Sirius said angrily.

"Calm down Padfoot. He didn't do anything. I was joking."

Sirius held Remus tightly. "I love you. I love you. I love you."

Remus smiled as Sirius whispered those words he'd been longing to hear for so long. "I love you too."

"You don't need to be around sharp objects for a while," Sirius told him wiping away Remus's tears.

Remus nodded. "Fine."

"And you will be sleeping with me for a while so I can keep an eye on you," Sirius told him with a grin.

Remus laughed. "Do you have any ulterior motives for you wanting me to sleep with you?"

Sirius laughed. "Of course but that can come later. You need to get better first. I am going to help you get through these feelings."

"Please don't tell anyone else," Remus begged.

"I won't. But maybe you should talk to McGonagall. I am sure she'd love to talk with you. You know she doesn't judge or anything. She cares about you a lot and would want to know that you're feeling this way," Sirius suggested. "But you don't have to."

"Maybe you're right. We'll go tomorrow."

"Ok. I love you Moony. Always remember that.."

"I will,' Remus told him giving him a kiss.


End file.
